The title of this post was going to be “What Not To Do When You Live On A Mountain An Hour Away From Town,” but it was a bit too long. I was feeling a bit like supermom this morning. I got up before the kids and managed to get dinner in the crockpot before they awoke. Got two lunches made, 3 breakfasts made, and was out the door only 10 minutes late to drive Zoey to school. Zane went with us because I planned to take him to the local gym to run around.

The gym didn’t open until 10:00am and I had an hour and half to kill before then, so I went to the grocery store to get a few things. I was planning to take him to the park by the lake, but the restrooms there are closed and I really had to use the facilities. So we went to the store first. With a cart a quarter full of groceries, I got to checkout and realized I didn’t have my wallet. Sadly this is not the first time I’ve embarrassed myself this way. But thankfully it happened before at the other grocery store in town. The checkout lady was very nice about it and offered to keep my groceries until I could return. But you see, I didn’t have my ID with me so I couldn’t go to the bank to get money, nor could I easily drive back home and get my wallet and drive all the way back to the store. So I left empty-handed. We started to drive to the park and then it dawned on me that I wouldn’t be able to go to the gym either because I didn’t have our prepaid card for the gym nor did I have any cash because it was in my wallet!

Zane was getting fidgeting being stuck in his carseat so we just drove home and changed our plans. But the day has turned out well despite our morning frustrations. I’m noticing more and more these days how Zane is becoming a little person. He pays attention to what we do and imitates all of us. He “deets ” the groceries like Zoey does, he shakes his boots out before putting them on, he knows to get the vacuum when food falls on the floor, he sweeps the porch outside when there are leaves on it, and what melts my heart is when I can see he feels like a big boy and he walks all by himself towards the shed to see his daddy–but first he turns and blows a kiss to me and waves goodbye. 

Two weekends ago, I took a day off from my mama duties.  I metaphorically ran away.  I needed to get out of town to rejuvenate my sapped out body, mind, and spirit.  You may wonder why that was necessary considering I went on vacation only last month. I wondered that myself.  I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit pondering why I feel like I’m going insane being here at home with loud little ones.  And then I realized, I am an introvert and it’s really hard to be around people who need me 24-7 and never have alone time.  And so I did as Jesus did and went off by myself.  If I hadn’t given myself that time away, the mean, mad mama side of me would have stayed a lot longer than I would have liked. And unfortunately, just one day away hasn’t seemed to completely cure my mean, mad mama side.  She still lurks around the corner especially around nap time, bath time, and bed time.

A week previously during my near mental break down, I was listening to this Krista Tippett On Being Podcast with Dr. Stuart Brown called “Play, Spirit, and Character” which led me to the realization that I needed time away to play to feel human again. Dr. Brown discussed on the podcast his thoughts on the question–if we don’t play what are the consequences?  He says, “the human being really is designed biologically to play throughout the life cycle. When one really doesn’t play at all or very little in adulthood, there are consequences–rigidity, depression, lack of adaptability, no irony, things that are pretty important that enable us to cope in a world of many demands.” What he said rang true for me in my own little, simple life as a stay-at-home mom. I’ve written about play before, but that wasn’t “my play” but rather Zoey’s. I needed play time for myself.  Some mothers can’t imagine being away from their little ones, but for me, I knew I needed to go off to replenish my spirit.  I took comfort and tried to let go of the mama guilt thinking about how Jesus needed time away to replenish his spirit, too from helping and serving others.  I may no longer be a practicing social worker, but my daily life is still a life of service to my children and husband.

Stephen and I often get asked the question “what do you do all day?” once a person learns neither one of us has a traditional paying job.  I think Stephen hears it less these days because he’s working at the ranch five or more days a week even though he’s not getting a paycheck for his work.  Just the other day, the mother of one of Zoey’s friends asked me what I would do once we moved to the ranch. I felt I had to justify being a mom to Zane–I mean somebody has to take care of him. Either I do it and don’t get paid, or someone else does it and we pay that person.  My work may look different than your work, but it’s still work.  And for me, a necessary part of my play time has to be outdoors.  I have to spend some time in nature or else my spirt feels like it’s suffocating. That’s one of the reason’s why I’m really looking forward to moving to the ranch in hopefully a month or two.  I won’t have to run away so far, I’ll just have to take a step outside the house.