I’m reading this book called Looking For Me by Beth Hoffman. I haven’t finished it yet, but it’s an enjoyable read so far. In the beginning pages, the main character shares some insight about her relationship with her mother and it got me thinking. Hoffman writes:
For most of my life, I had hoped my mother would see me. That one day she’d open her eyes and, as if a rush of sunlight had poured into a darkened room, she’d see who I was, not the shadow of what I wasn’t.
I’m grateful that although my mom and I don’t always agree on things, I feel that she respects who I’ve become. I want to be that mother to Zoey and Zane. I think I’ve written about this before, and I keep coming back to this idea of letting them be who they are, not trying to change who they might develop into. Of course, I want to instill positive values within them, but their likes and dislikes are their own to choose. I have no place to try to mold them into being who I want them to be other than loving, kind, generous, respectful individuals. It saddens me when I see parents who are still trying to change their adult children into their vision of who they want their children to be. They will live their whole life, and will they ever really see their children for who they are and respect the choices they’ve made? The mistakes as well as the successes? Everyone, whether they know it or not, wants to be seen as they truly are. When we are able to really see others as they are, we come to realize there is little that separates us. This reminds me of the word Namaste, which is often either a greeting or closing in yoga, that I’ve heard translated as “I see you, and you see me, and we are one.”